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Jascha Heifetz Is Really a Schmuck*


*It’s true! “Schmuck” is the Yiddish word for penis. It’s derived from the German, in which “schmuck” means jewel. And the Hebrew word for “jewel” is “heifetz”! So Jascha Heifetz is really a Schmuck.**

**At least, I heard it someplace and never bothered to verify. That qualifies as true, right?***

***OK, I finally looked it up and it’s not true. Most likely, the Yiddish word "schmuck" is unrelated to the German word "schmuck." And "Heifetz" means "delight," not "jewel," in Hebrew. Stupid etymologists. What schmucks.